Things That Should Go Away, Vol. 1

1. Organic hard seltzer: Three words that, when put together, sound ridiculous. Seltzer with booze? That's bad enough. But organic? Come on. The ‘hard’ part is believing anyone drinks this swill.

2. Limu Emu and Doug: Those annoying Liberty Mutual commercials don’t make me want to buy insurance. They make me want to join PETA.

3. Remaindering: This is an obscure thing - traditional publishing’s most absurd practice. If a book doesn’t sell after, say, three months, they tear off the cover and throw it out. Hey, it’s a book, not a week-old banana.

4. Canola Oil: What the hell is canola anyway? Turns out it's a flowering weed. The oil derived from it is actually called rapeseed. Wow. Yeah. A marketing nightmare.

5. Fruit roll ups: They claim to be made with real fruit. You know what else is made with real fruit? Real fruit. 'Oh, but my kids won’t eat real fruit,' you say. Cut the crap. Be a real parent and tell them to eat what they're given.

6. Breadsticks that come with pizza: Redundant. The crusts are already breadsticks.