Things That Should Go Away, Vol. 7

1. Supermarket tabloids: Thanks, but we get all of our misinformation on the internet now.

2. FaceTime while walking down the street: Unless you need to prove that a stalker is behind you, the public doesn’t need to see you gossip on video. Especially on speaker with full volume.

3. Bullfighting: Animal torture as cultural tradition. But it’s our heritage, say the Spanish. Yeah, so was the Inquisition, but you got over it.

4. Paranormal romance novels: Seriously, this is a genre. Falling in love with sexy vampires and werewolves, like in the Twilight books. And we wonder why convicted serial killers have pen pals.

5. Sports venue naming rights: Smoothie King Center. Lysol Park. Guaranteed Rate Field. Tampex Stadium. American Family Field. Number 2 Pencil Arena. Only half of those are fake. The odd corporate names change so often you can’t keep track.

6. Pumpkin spice: It’s cinnamon. Nobody’s fooled anymore.